My Mother, my Strength

Me & Mom-1983 a little over 1 year old

As I write this blog entry today, I am in a completely different light. Last week my family was shaken up as we experienced a unexpected devastation. My dear Mother suffered a brain aneurysm and stroke late last Monday, and was rushed to the emergency room in time to perform an operation, that saved her life. She is still in critical condition, while a vaso-spasm is slowly calming down and getting under control. She will be under constant watch, in the ICU for another week, until they feel she is strong enough to move into rehabilitation therapy.

As you can imagine my whole world has been turned upside down with human feelings of fear, grief, worry, understanding, frustration and anxiety. My Mother is one of my best friends, aside from my friendship with my husband. She is such a huge part of my life, I have been fighting my sad thoughts of living without her. While putting my hope & trust in my faith to take care of her healing process.

A week and a half later, I am just now comfortable enough to sit down and write about this tribulation. I am hoping that it will help me to express my feelings of hope & faith, and share the blessing of my Mother with others. Also to spread the power of prayer, inspire and encourage others to "live, love, forgive and never give up. Cause the days we are given are gifts from above!"

As I sit bedside in my Mother's hospital room. I am holding her left hand and watching her sleep, while her will, faith and trust in GOD helps her to fight for her life. Memories flash in and out of my head, of all the the times and moments of joy I have shared with my Mother. I am definitely on an emotional roller coaster. Feeling strong at times and weak and tearful at others.

I am completely grateful to have such a wonderful woman, that I can call "Mom"- truly blessed. She has been my rock my whole life, and since I was a young girl. I have always admired her kindness, strength, will, determination, creativity, knowledge, wit & talent to always see the good in people and situations, and prevail through her own. She is the women responsible for teaching me to make my way through life with grace and express similar qualities to her.

Never skipping a beat in my life, missing an event or performance, praising an accomplishment, understanding and encouraging- even when I made a mistake. Always proud of me, never giving up on me, when my life was troubled. Always an ear to listen to a problem, or just my shoulder to cry on. The true definition of unconditional love. She has shared most moments of joy along with me (my marriage, the birth of my first son). Oh yeah, and my sidekick and shopping buddy for sure!

I have shed my share of tears these last few days because that women, that assuring voice I can always count on. Is sitting in this hospital bed, not able to tell me that it's going to be OK, but rather, when she gains enough strength, she opens her eyes and squeezes my hand. So I read to her the book she gave me when I was at my darkest hour, and she was by my side.

Many of you may not know this, it's not something I talk about often and definitely not something I have blogged about, but in order to understand my feelings of sadness and worry. I will share with the hopes it will help me to write about it. Back in 2004 I was in the middle of the same feelings, as I was faced with the pain of losing my second child. I was only a few months pregnant, when I lost him in the womb. By far the most terrifying experience I had to face at that point in my life. Along with my husband, my Mother was always there. Through every feeling of anger, pain, suffering, grieving and questioning. Into the healing process of understanding, trust & faith.

She never left my side and she gave me a book to keep with me, when those feelings resurfaced. It is called "God's Promises and Answers, for your Life." A few days after the chaos had calmed a little and she was in her bed slowly making a recovery. I was looking for those same feelings of encouragement & understanding. I opened the book and there on the inside of the cover. Were the words my Mother wrote to me, when she gave me the book as a gift. It says; "Syd, your loss is tremendous, nothing can compare. Keep your eyes to the Lord for comfort. I love you with all my heart, and admire you for all your courage."

And so I will, I will take each day one at a time. With patience, courage and understanding, that this is just the next chapter in our lives. I will put my trust and faith in the things I can not see, but believe. And the will of the Lord in my Mother will heal her on it's own time. We have a long hill to climb from here, but I have the faith, and that same strength in me that she does, to hold hands and take that walk to the top.

God knows I need her in my life, for a much longer time. Each day is a blessing, live with constant grace and joy for the people that have been placed in your path. Never take for granted that things will always be the same. You never know when you will wake up one day to find, your whole world as you know it has changed. No, right now, I may not be able to call her every-night like the usual, but I can sit by her bed and tell her about my day. With faith knowing she can hear me and it will just take some time until I can pick up that phone again. Along with doing all the other fun things we usually do, she is always the first to come with me to a shoot, or wake up at 5am to tackle an estate sale. My Mother, my best friend, I am blessed!

I know my Mother would want me to continue to keep up with all of the things I have going at the moment. It won't be long before I am back to blogging about pretty things. I will just have to do them when I feel up to it at the moment. After all she is always first to read my entries! She is a huge inspiration to me...

Thank you for your time in reading this,
Will chat with you soon.....

XOXO~Syd